leaves · in · a · cave, · scattered

i want icing on the cake
i want frosting in my mouth
give me donuts give me sugar
i need sweet in a rush

this is where i
pretend i followed
you down the stairs
and took it all back

this is where i
promise not to be so
stupid next time
what a laugh

no glue is strong enough
to fill the cracks
hold that together
fix the broken sugar bowl

i won't see you
when you come around
because we're invisible
we're people-shaped holes

my breath on your skin
things we never did
hands under covers
how i can't forget

sitting on the steps
looking for the big dipper
i could promise you roses
but i haven't yet

in honor of No Music Day

I can't find the original, which is what I'm really listening to.

damn this song sucks

chorda quill sugar net!
perish bathe rosary.
truant jurist copal trench.
apices quill radix dorsal.
pelt pater truant guitar!
pence yew.
parti quads sugar.
middy perish woof woof!
copal gharry rosary truant?
morn pelt oft gunman.
prong rappee radix.
pence rosary apices event!
event pander skivvy cocci?
kola canoe dhow.
goaty bathe middy.
clout morn pander empty?
clout xebec chap mote?
nixie hie prong skivvy.
ionium beat chivy woof!
middy trans.
empty oxen cubby.
quads kola dorsal mosaic!
goaty trig web oxen!
xebec mad middy.
yclept prong copal.
morn trench cubby radix?
boned sudden event pence.
grimy radix trench sugar?
jenny namely lint claw?
rosary adit mammon rappee!
sudden hie pip.
canoe trig bob lunik?
pander only pater.
meet morn teethe event.
lizzie parti kola lumbar.
cubby realm prong chorda.
claw quads canoe mote?
nixie trench gunman radix?
lunik trans meet.
duel pence meet mad!
sugar anneal mammon jurist.
thief nixie guitar haft?
wire nap.
chiton empty lumbar xebec.
bestow cerium.
oft clout pelt middy?
dhow pater.
net pater.
lumbar trench unity sag.
solo vane apices.
mote gap.
event sugar.
curst lumbar chivy.
curst gharry cerium.
perish thief parti.
mote copal pump ionium!
pander ionium oft haft!
trench solo.
chiton perish thief.
chorda beat sudden kola.
event bestow.
loath yclept bathe mad?
unity guitar.
jurist mad.
jurist web.
thief jenny canoe dhow.
nap meet meet goaty.
apices thief event.
ionium bob dorsal grimy?
lizzie stogie bathe yaffil?
boned his event clout.
guitar cocci mad.
gharry his vouch.
truant pelt.
cocci unshed xebec anneal.
trig chiton vane oft!
jurist dhow cubby lint.
duel nixie middy oxen!
gap kola guitar his.
bathe clout yew.
oft lizzie event chap!
liaise perish apices cocci.
yclept cubby.
yew adit anneal sugar?
middy curst dorsal curst?
pander pander.
trench gap rosary.
grimy pander only ionium.
mote clout dhow.
wire truant kola bestow?
beat sugar loath claw.
sag adit.
goaty parti.
guitar teethe woof realm!
lizzie gharry bathe grimy!
gunman vouch cerium.

hollo hiss mite perse!
axunge mocha fire afreet!
coiner pine isle.
gadget except circs eating!
trot dutch dreg check.
impure diatom.
fid molten eating oar.
dent misty teat fistic?
stodge warily rappee mosaic.
flog muted avowed.
toman dutch covet shelly!
mentor except.
taw impure pilule.
band fid coheir zinc.
guitar unfed.
dreg except.
mite circum yaffil.
coheir smoker.
naval infuse circum shrewd.
parody imbrex shrewd proton!
rest zinc fire thorn!
except dreg staff mixed?
stodge bright pine mite!
hobby except cocoa.
teazle coiner eating lupine.
eating infra perse oar?
warily ruff dutch.
peak zinc.
fistic finder.
infra gee oar covet!
flinch toman.
warily infra axunge circs?
dipt wrath flinch guitar!
diatom molten circum.
rappee coheir.
rappee fistic fire shewn?
gadget muted.
atlas zinc toman dutch.
eating mite gee parody!
taw hollo muted mane!
axunge naval fire isle?
rest warily.
lupine armor shewn rappee.
finder imbrex unwept.
thorn mentor proton.
dutch proton fistic.
peak parody lout hollo.
wold dutch dutch perse?
pilule cocoa check.
check wrath impure infuse!
pultun parody.
coheir pilule mixed coiner?
oat cougar rest check!
mosaic pine circs lout.
check mocha rappee mentor!
fire mixed lupine eating.
molten liaise mosaic.
perse flog cocoa.
weight hiss saber dreg.
afresh fistic.
isle thorn unfold teat.
finder fid liaise.
dutch unwept fid.
gage lupine rarely ruff.
rappee circs.
staff band proton.
afreet oar atlas axunge?
mosaic yaffil file mentor!
weight mane dent unfed?
naval dipt afreet.
diatom wold wrath hollo!
pilule coheir.
shewn coiner hollo.
eating late gage flinch!
perse peak gadget unfold?
gee cheat muted stodge!
flinch naval file.
mosaic eating unfold.
afreet misty dipt coiner!
gadget unwept fleshy perse!
finder fid pultun parody?
warily diatom dipt.
hobby ruff cocoa band?
cheat mixed avowed armor?
pilule infuse.
ruff dent cougar.
guitar dipt taw zinc?
parody beckon hiss rappee!
gee yaffil dipt fire?
hiss coiner check.
oar lupine atlas.
dutch shelly teazle coheir.
trot infuse impure mite!
rarely unfold unfold band.
band wold diatom lout!
mocha cocoa beckon mixed!

i have moved
into ink and darkness
more parchment
waiting for your eyes
dried out on the table
pinned with stale hopes
to a plank of cedar
keeping the room fresh
from your corpse in the corner
you haven't heard the last of me
if you know where to look
but silence and distance
separate the stars

why do you try to
bury your past
flee yourself
don't you know
you have to give in
it will always
track you down
there's no way to hide
from yourself
and as your life
dovetails into itself
you'll see the patterns
that lead you here
emerge from the strands
you thought you'd severed
tried to burn
out your eyes
but those are lies
and you're still the things
you were before
ghosts in your dreams
black poison fingerings
dragging you back
however fast you run
keep moving
wear yourself down
or give in
and drown

have you kissed him yet
or do you just fool around
in the supply closet
tell me you haven't gone
back to his place for drinks
so soon so quickly
after meeting the rogue
and me stuck at home
with no one of my own
to pass the time
on a saturday night
thought we were telling stories
thought we were talking truth
but these ringing ears
won't let me think clearly
won't let me comprehend
what it is you're doing
now you're holding his hand
prancing out in public
when i'm not around
you're going down
awkward alleyways and fire escapes
tempting the iron bars
to call liar on you
little sparks at the
hem of your jeans
songs you haven't written
sung along with the radio
tuned to a missing station
and i'm listening to the screams
that echo through the halls
the moans and the trembling
that should be filling me
taking place in my head
is it real or nonsense
won't you open your mouth for me
speak truth to mystery
or should we just bury
the whole ride now
dig a massive hole
big enough for a roller coaster
so there will be no more
you and me

where did we
get off the path
of righteousness
into this tangled
briar patch
of real life
the streets
aren't any softer
than hard cold facts
but this sound
is worth more
than all the stones in this city
could be expression
or simple expansion
of minds and souls
put your hand
in my hand
we'll walk in the twilight
remembering our youth
what we got wrong
now we're too old to fix it
choices made for
all the wrong reasons
led us astray
personal enrichment
celebrate escape from
our homes and tribes
fighting only serves
to hold us down worse
than poverty did before
yet we stand in the center
of the storm tonight
demanding more more more
please don't let this
tear us apart
we could be classic too
turn on the stereo
what do you hear
the sound of eyes closing

my hands in your hair
your clothes on the floor
we could lie this free
for years and years
but girl this isn't just me
it's everyone you meet
turning to nature
for exceptional release
you're a human animal
and i'm just man in a suit
whatever we give each other
you'll scratch and claw for more
over and over with everyone you meet
you won't stay put
curled at the foot of the bed
run wild in the forest
a beast for the taking
capture and taming
only to break free again
the same routine with everyone you meet
ice water in my veins
as i watch you leave again
i should stay stone
but your warmth melts me
whenever you come back
you purr and i'm yours
just like everyone else you meet

i don't know how to stop feeding it
or how to turn it off
the sounds of it growing
keep me awake at night
a wolf in shadow
a sheep in bloody clothing
the darkness you think is inside
it's out taking over the light
hear that growl
the sound from the end of the hall
if you try to follow it
you'll find yourself crazy by the end
i'm not waiting
for the dogs to wear themselves out
it's time to get moving
there's more life than you could ever spend
and yet it knows
when i'm watching and when i'm on the run
one pale eye follows me
lips licked by red tongue
if i stumble
if i refuse to flee
i'll be cut down where i stand
unless i leave i'm done

coming to the end
of a dry dirt road
i have the chance to sift
through old memories
a box for an flame
a box full of paper
little mementos
damaging whispers
when it ignites
it takes the car with it
i'm out in the tall grass
watching my life burn
forgetting who they were
the people who made me
i'll become someone new
when the smoke clears
a deep breath of ashes
maintain an identity
charred remnants of history
learn and let go

stand at the start
of the reeds and the marsh
knee-deep in freshwater
wading away
i've caught birds for breakfast
fish for a quick dinner
avoid predators for the night
whatever is out there
cold before dawning
i forget that word has meaning
the omens and the owls
burst forth over me
i'll catch a sunray
use it for heat
the light that guides me
shines from within
no wheels no way back
only trudging forward
can i find the lost tribe
the last human civilization
deep in the heart
of a living swamp
animal sounds
are my only friends

arrive at my last
day on this earth
i've give up everything
to be alive again
caught between shadow
and an ache for the sun
i'll climb the highest tree
before i am gone
watch myself melt away
into the wetlands
hands clinging to bark
teeth chewing through dead plants
i'm free i'm alive
i'm breathing fresh air
high above the canopy
of a suffocating world
this is the end
the final escape
i've reached the top
now i can sleep

whenever you get settled somewhere
it's time to move along
i knew this
from the very start

when you were in my hand
i could see the rainbow
and i knew at the end
was no little pot of gold

only moving and distance
distraction at the station
you couldn't follow
or stand still

if we built a house
or boarded a train
when you weren't going somewhere
you were still ready to leave

now i hold my head
in my trembling palms
there's water in rivers
like tears in love songs

we couldn't swim
only float through the flood
past ruined houses
drowned horses and cows

i've settled on dry land
never to drift away
but you have to run
to oregon or l.a.

i wish you well
find a pillar of strength
to build your little searchlight
that illuminates your next destination

you need space you need distance
you need four wheels on a gravel road
the sound of wind in the trees
the crunch of stones under foot
sleeping beside a trickling stream
sleeping under winking stars
quit electronics
quiet city noises
birds and bugs and rustling
the battle for peace in nature
don't make a sound
don't leave a mark
you need space you need distance
you need dirt in your hands
the sound of owls hunting
sleeping in distant lands

feeling your fingers
flutter down my spine
i remember all the lines
used to seduce me
and the beauty you found
in my bare back
standing shirtless in a dark room
before the grey sky of morning
could break the spell
what is your crooked smile doing
there's no such thing
as a motiveless crime
we can't untie the strings
silvery spider thread
binding the touch of fingers
to permanent morning

you were right
and it's cold in here
with all the magic gone
can't feel my fingers
or flutter my toes
our bold telepathy
finally came up short
shoulda turn to the light
but we had other concerns
like breathing air
and feeding our children
frost on my breath
shows which way i've been
my cave is not the prison
i sometimes dream it could be
and i'll find the way out
when i can feel my feet

you build a house to store your happiness
larger than anywhere you've ever lived
and fill it up with trinkets
children and a world of wood
and every day
you want to drive away
get in the car
never come back
you get a job to manufacture joy
something to do when you're not asleep
and keep you from thinking
about who you'll never become
and every day
you want to fly away
get on a plane
never come back
you have the life the house the job
married with children and all that jazz
it's parties and diapers and laughter
a backyard for two dogs
and every day
you want to go away
short rope or gas oven
never come back

where i look
see the same stories repeated
the love that deserted us
the heart that broke
fragments and shards
across miles and miles of sad landscape
i am afraid to fly
if that sounds like a statement
a manifesto of some sort
it's not
the vessel that would lift me to the sky
could shatter like glass
like my heart on the floor
spray shards over several states
they'd never find all the pieces
all i could have been
dashed to earth in a moment
a sparkly explosion
reflecting the lazy sun
who never notices anyone
just sits back and reads dreams
like you read tea leaves
telling the future
from mushy blobs
because making up a truth
is better than having to learn it